Tick Tock Goes The Clock
by Destined Darkness
Summary: Based on the story 'How to Save A Life' by ADDyke. Follows Ianto and Jack through the Year as Jack tries to save him :nod: Rated T because I'm 15 so... :P


Okays so I got a request from No1WithABullet to write a multichapter fic based off the fic 'How To Save A Life' by ADDyke so here goes. :)

You should read that before you read this :P

I doesn't own, obviously :P

This will probably be written in 2nd person cos I ask No1 and she said she liked 2nd person and I loves me my 2nd person, I find it easier to write and more effective so whatever... :P We'll see...

Obviously this is gonna deal with some dark things :nod: Cos I'm a morbid person :P

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><p>You sit at your desk, it is six in the morning, you have one hand pinching the bridge of your nose while the other runs through your hair, you have a pounding headache, you blame this on the fact that you haven't slept in days. Even though you claim to everyone that you "don't sleep" you do, that's why you have your own little bunker, right here in the hub. You haven't slept in days but that's not why you have a headache, at least, that's not the only reason. You think the main thing behind the pounding in your head that just won't stop is the fact that your goddamn teaboy tried to kill himself three hours ago. And you haven't been able to forget, to ignore, to cast aside the look in his eyes, the emptiness, the way you stared into his eyes and you felt like you were falling. You imagine that feels exactly the way it feels when you die and you fall into the Big Nothing. You can't remember how it is when you die, you just remember dying.<p>

Your team wandered in at 4:30, like they do every morning. Ianto handed them their coffees like he does every morning. He was stoic and butler-esc as he did so, as he is every morning. You watched as Owen glared at him in response, you saw as Gwen sneered, you smiled just a little as Tosh smiled at him and murmured her thank you. Then you sat back down at your desk as Ianto brought your coffee up to you. He set it down in front of you and said "Here you are, sir, I know you haven't been sleeping lately so I made it stronger than normal but still just the way you like it." then he left and you frowned. You couldn't understand how no one, not _on_e of the team, had noticed the bruises on Ianto's neck; the suit didn't exactly do anything to hide them. _Tosh and Gwen I can kind of understand. But Owen? He's a freaking doctor! He should be looking for these things…_you thought as you stared into your coffee.

You knew Owen's heart had been compromised, you knew before you even hired him, but you didn't think he'd be blind to another's suffering, but now it seems, he is. You didn't realize you'd hired another _you._

At lunch time you realize that not only has Ianto not brought everyone their coffees like he usually does, you haven't seen the Welshman since he brought you that coffee over seven hours ago. Your heart quickens as panic spreads through you. You rush out of your office and anxiously look around. Gwen raises her eyebrow at you, Owen mutters something about you being crazy, Tosh looks over from her computer and frowns.

"What are you looking for, Jack?" she asks, and you take a deep breath in and try to calm down.

"Ianto. Seen him?" you say, and Tosh nods and points towards archiving. You smile in thanks and rush off towards archiving, and really, you think you're stupid for not just checking there first. You find Ianto slumped in a chair, a file in his hands, he's fast asleep, and you pry the file from his hands and open it. It's Lisa's file. You cringe before putting it down on the desk and quietly leaving the room, you don't want to disturb Ianto anymore than you already are.

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><p>It's closing time, you've sent everyone home, everyone but Ianto, you don't find yourself <em>trusting <em>him to be alone in his apartment, because he could break his promise and you wouldn't be there to save him this time, and it stings. It stings because you can't trust him, you can't trust him with his own life anymore and he was really the only one you trusted. You can't shake the image of the anger that flashed in his eyes when you told him he was to stay with you tonight; you can't shake the image of the acceptance that replaced the anger. You think that maybe his quiet acceptance nearly broke your heart, but it didn't because you're Captain Jack Harkness for gods sake, you don't have a heart.

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><p>You don't know why you went down to archiving today; you just felt a pull that was tugging you towards it. You can't remember why you grabbed Lisa's file and started reading through it; you just thought it was the right thing to do. You can't remember how it ended up on the desk; you were sure you fell asleep with it in your hands.<p>

When you woke up and remembered where you were, you found yourself walking towards the morgue, you ran your hand over the drawer that held Lisa's metal corrupted body. You sank to your knees and let your head fall against one of the closed drawers. Later on you'd wonder why you even went down there. But, just then, it felt right.

As Jack tells you that you have to stay with him tonight, you feel anger rise up within you but slowly your shoulders drop and you feel yourself just deflate in acceptance. You promised Jack and you can't hurt him anymore, you want to, oh how you want to, he took everything, he took _her _and you don't think you can forgive him for that, but you don't think you can hurt him either, besides, he probably wouldn't even care. You agree to stay in the Hub tonight but you don't agree to sleep there and you won't, that's why coffee is good, it keeps you awake when you just want to fall asleep and never get up again, you don't even care where you fall asleep; anywhere will do.

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><p>When Jack's head droops onto his desk at eleven, you smile, and try to make him a bit more comfortable then you slip away to Owen's medbay. You dig through the cupboards and drawers until you find what you were looking for, a scalpel. You leave your suit jacket on your chair at your desk and tuck the scalpel in your pocket then you head out of the Hub; to the Plass. You walk over to the board walk and sit down. You ask yourself what you're doing as you roll your sleeves up and run a finger over the scar tissue on your wrist, the scars from so long ago... back before Lisa.<p>

You drag the scalpel through your skin and you watch as the blood bubbles up, vaguely you feel guilty, like you're betraying Jack, like you're betraying _her_ but you can't help it. Thinking of her causes you to slice through your skin again and you feel a nostalgic rush as the pain shoots through you. You cut and you cut until your wrist is just a bloodied mess and you can't find anywhere left to mutilate. You sigh as you let the scalpel drop to the boardwalk and you lie back and just watch the stars. It's two in the morning when you head back inside and to your relief Jack's still passed out at his desk, none the wiser. You sanitize the scalpel, by heating it over a flame, then you put it back and you head off to wash your wrist, you can't risk anyone finding out, you can't risk Jack finding out, not yet.

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><p>R&amp;R and there will be more :D Sometime :D<p> 


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